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Historical People According To Me



Charles Montgomery Burns

ole Monty himself

A maniacal glowering tyrant, Charles Montgomery Burns has owned and run the Springfield Gas and Electric Co. for 81 of his 104 years. A man who has less sympathy than age spots, Charles Montgomery Burns has ruthlessly bullied his way to the top.

Montgomery Burns has led a full and rich life, which was documented in the short film, A Burns For All Seasons directed by Steven Spielbergo, the Mexican counterpart of Steven Spielberg. After a brief stint in the army Burns purchased the previously closed Springfield Gas and Electric Co. which he eventually upgraded into a large nuclear power plant.

Not all of Burns business ventures have been successful. After stealing a trillion dollar bill Burns fled the country to Cuba where Castro recovered the treasured bill and sent Burns back to the U.S. on a rubber raft. Burns owned an briefly successful Casino in Springfield for a short period. In another unsuccessful venture Burns tried to cast a blanket of darkness across Springfield resulting in a greater dependence on Burns' nuclear plant to supply energy declaring that "since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun." His plan was foiled when he was shot by Maggie Simpson. The townspeople dismantled his sun-blocking machine shortly afterward. Burns depended on another Simpson, Lisa, to regain his lost fortune. Lisa unwittingly helped him build his lost fortune by introducing Burns to the recycling business which Burns used as an avenue to capture sea creatures and turn them into an animal slurry.

    Monty Burns' Quotes
  • "Ah, the mirthless laugh of the damned. Hold your nose, Smithers-we're going in." -Burns entering Moe's tavern.
  • German:"Isn't this a happy coincicence! You are desperate to buy, and we are desperate to sell"
    Burns:"Desperate eh? Advantage Burns!"
  • "Smithers! This isn't rocket science. It's brain surgery!"
  • "Look at them all, through the darkness I'm bringing. They're not sad at all, they're actually singing! They sing without juicers, they sing without blenders, they sing without flunjers, capdabllers and smendlers."
  • Milhouse:"I have nothing to offer but my love."
    Burns:"I specifically said, 'No geeks!'"
    Milhouse:"But my mom says I'm cool."
    Burns:"Next!"
  • "Listen Spielbergo. Shindler and I are like peas in a pod! We're both factory workers. We both made shells for the Nazis, but mine worked! Now, go out there and win me that festival."
  • Smithers:"A film biography might help them get to know the real you- virtuous, heroic, nubile..."
    Burns:"You left out pleasant!" (hits Smithers with his scepter).
  • "A nonprogit organization with oil? I won't allow it! An oil well doesn't belong in the hands of Betsy Bleeding Heart and Maynard G. Muskievote!"
  • Burns criticisms of Homer:"60 watts! What do you think this is, a tanning salon?"
    "I asked for light starch on my nihgtcap"
    "You call this Postem?!"
    "You call this a tax return?!"
    "You call this a super computer?!"
    "You're a travesty fo a joke of an assistant."
  • "This may take a while, Smithers. Why don't you get drunk and stumble around for my amusement?"
  • "A lifetime of working in a nuclear power plant has given me a healthy green glow. And left me as impotent as a Neveda boxing commisioner."
  • Burns:"I have the strangest sensation in my chest."
    Smithers:"I think your heart's beating again."
    Burns:"Aw, that takes me back."
  • "Oh, so Mother Nature needs a favor? Well, maybe she should have thought of that when she was besetting us with droughts and floods and poison monkeys. Nature started the fight for survival and now she wants to quit becuase she is losing? Well, I say, 'Hard Cheese!'"